Senior First…. Aid
Hola Familia!
(ok, getting this off my chest) My motorcycle was stolen yesterday or yesternight. crazy. Will post more info tomorrow when I know if the police have it or not. They’ve handled it pretty poorly so far….
Yesterday, Rose and I started our senior first aid training. I’m now totally qualified to perform CPR on any unfortunate soul, help with stopping some poor fudgepacker from choking or the like. Also, I know how to pin down a legless rubberman with the ‘pistol grip’. So watch out.
Was pretty good actually, we got there, toting hot cross buns, cool drink and some moorish almonds. Why do the Moorish get all the fucking credit for my tasty almonds? Why can’t it be Spanish almonds… Probably something to do with it having NOTHING to do with the Moorish… But I digress.
The lecturer was hilarious. Not intentionally though, her jokes were horrible to the point of wincing. One dude in the class thought she was a hoot and he was loling like a raging douche bag on the side. One of those open mouth *HUYAK* *HYUAK* *HUYAK* laughs. You know the ones. Pearler!
The thing which started to grate on me the most was this woman’s way she spoke. Don’t get me wrong, she was a pretty good teacher, maybe a little fast and routine and impersonal, but she did her job. Her flaw was this annoying little pause that primary school teachers do. It’s like… How do I explain this?”…. She gives you a sentence – and to ensure you’re paying attention she’ll pause one half second – like she wants you to answer.. BUT SHE DOESN’T. She then says the last word, with a slight “youuu diddnn”tt knoooww!” tone to her voice.
This is a valid teaching method for instance, when reviewing stuff before a test and you’re making sure the class is switched on and knows their material, but I swear to all Hindu gods inclusively, that it’s not appropriate nor helpful to use it at the end of every 4th sentence!
No word of a lie, this is a real example. We had a dummy propped up like it was in a car and we had to simulate helping the poor unfortunate thing which had bigger problems considering it was missing legs, arms and had hair more rubber than Ray Martin (Hi Ray! Googling yourself are you again, you vain bastard!).
Now, she’s like “What’s the first thing you do when you go to the car?… Open the door”
OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR? Are you kidding me? I wonder how many medics trained at lesser schools get knocked out and sustain concussion because they forgot to mention that you must first open the door before checking the airway.
I can just see it! *medic checks for danger*
Medic: “CALL AN AMBULANCE!” *runrunrunrun* BBAANNGG! *thump*
Bystanders: “LOOK OUT! THIS ONE’S A TRICKY ONE! I’M NOT GOING NEAR THAT BARRICADED DEATH-TRAP!!”
Ok. I’m done.
But seriously, there are so many more hilarious things that happened during this class that had me scrambling for my notepad. Not to mention the teenage girl with Hindenburgs flying out of her ultra low cut top, trying to perform “Chest Compressions” on an unconscious dummy named ‘Amy’ and be serious, when all it looked like was an opening scene from an R movie.
Ok, it’s time for me to?… Go.
Hope you have a good?…. day and my motorcycle?…comes home!
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