Rose and Sam's Excellent Adventure

What the mother-fudgepack!

I hate it when things such as electronic devices or popular consumer products name themselves after commonplace things.

I’m looking for what translations of The Iliad are available on ebook, when I search for Iliad Ebook. Well, well, WELL! Some asshat decided to launch the Iliad Ebook Reader. I mean really. Why call it Iliad? Pick a new name you wanker. Go hang out with Paris or Hera or some shit you cretin.

Ooh! And that reminds me!
Most of you, whome read this blog know I’m a bit of a fan of Homer’s The Iliad and especially of Diomedes, purely cos he kicks ass and chews bubblegum. But why do almost all depictions of homeric battle look like the dance of the sugar-bum-touching fairies? The dudes in The Iliad were blood/gore spattered insane asylum cases who had a thirst for gore like nothing I’ve ever read or seen before. Homer made the chump Spartans from the movie 300 look like cookies on dowels. (Harvey Birdman Gag… Loosely).

I mean, if you’ve read the book, can you really see Hector, Diomedes, Odysses, Patroculus or whatever his name is, Achillies best mate or even Achillies himself looking like that greek ponce above? Looking at the “flashing helmet” it might have been Hector but wtf do I know? I reckon even Paris, son of Priam (I’m pretty sure he was) was a raging prettyboy who seemed to flounce in bed with Helen and run like a Wiggle more than he fought, and I bet even HE didn’t look like that chump.

The dudes pictured in the Iliad look more like ME (and I’m willing to prove it) than someone I can imagine picking up rocks the size of car-tyres and throwing them to graphically shatter hip-joints and cave in skulls “so darkness descends over their eyes”. I’m just saying. The dudes described in The Iliad make the Guvna Arnie and Rocky look like a prune juice sucking chemistry major. Pardon my french, but they were hard cunts. And need to be depicted as such.

I’m just sayin’. Am I wrong?

This rant has gone to it’s logical, homerical, satirical and everything els-ical end. Goodbye.

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This entry was posted by Sam on Saturday, August 23rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm and is filed under rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.