Pigs, Phnom Penh and Pisstaking
I’ve been a bit light-on on the annectodes recently as I’ve basically been feeling shit.
Day one, I was pretty tired, lathargic and didn’t wanna move much. This contunied to day two, where it got a little worse. I was able to do some stuff day three, but I developed, what I’m calling from now on, the “City2Surf”s. Had them for that day, then developed stomach cramps that afternoon and on day 4, woke up with some pretty heavy stomach cramps and City2Surfs. I was about as close as you can get to reaching for the boom-boom pills but it subsided and by day 5-ai, everything was magic.
Talking of little shits, a kid walked into our favourite resturant the other night selling postcards. This is a regular thing and along this road you get harassed by many kids selling books and cards. Some of you have some of these cards arriving soon(ish).
One particular kid came up to us and asked if we wanted to buy postcards. I gave him a little Äh Tey, Oh Kohn (*sternish* No, thank you) at this point, he produced a rubber spider, and dangled it infront of Rose, I guess hoping to scare her for failing to purchase the cards. Was fucking funny. Little ass!
That reminds me. Lemme set the scene.
A tuk-tuk driver, half asleep in the back of his tuk-tuk with a one legged, fully smart-assed dude propped against the tuk-tuk.
One legged fella asked if I wanted to buy some books, I gave a polite Tey, Aw Kohn, to which he looks at the tuk-tuk driver and yell Tey, Äw Kohn! and they both look at me and laugh! I should have done a jig or something to upstage their ridicule, but I let that one slide.
Seems the more Khmer you speak, the funnier you become. It’s funny as. I probably sound like some crazy Japanese tourist saying Aaah Soowww! Hurro!!!!
On that street I was mentioning before, we get a bunch of kids begging for cash. We’ve got a fairly official, give to every beggar policy going which, in Phnom Penh works fairly well as 1000r to each one only costs about $3 per day and you feed quite a few people and families.
This night, we were being begged pretty hardcore by two kids and we were walking past a food stall so we plonked em down and told em to order whatever they wanted. Another kid came along so he too got a plonking. They ordered two deep fried … birds. They were about a dove sized thing, but smaller. They deepfried the hell out of them. They were pretty stoked, in a disbelieving-this-was-happening kind of way.
Right, enough about left-winged bullshit and let’s get talking about Motorcycling in South East Asia! If you’re sensitive to harsh language, look away now bitchez.
I’ve never been pimped as hard as I’ve been pimped on the roads in Cambodia. I mean, take the biggest fucking pimping you’ve ever gotten (talking to Az and Keely mainly here) and quintupple it. You’re getting close.
You’re going into an intersection, green light, and some car decides he’s just gotta get moving so you have to avoid this fucking Hummer or whatever it is pimping you.
The fella who we rented the bike from said the best line about motorcycle riding I’ve ever heard. He looked at me sternly and said in fucked up English “Be careful and take care. If you don’t be careful… In Cambodia… You lose.”
I laughed, it was so well put. “You lose”.
It’s all perfectly munted though. Predictably munted.
I gotta go, they’re closing up. Post tomorrow.
*plonk* hehe that’s awesome. i got to do that in a ramen bar a couple of weeks ago, it’s very satisfying ne? not sure about the birds though. fisthiticus thanks ye for the card, but wonder if you could perhaps write ontop of the stamps instead of under them next time? :)
How many kids are doing the begging everyday? and is the list slowly growing? can this be kept up for the near future? Maybe you should start a gang, you could call them the pig sticking bird boys of section 8, or something much less rad. I think your due for an m/c lose, but how fast will you lose at, when you hit the hummer/tuktuk? are yout foot down kinda piddling along or are you hooting about at 60?
and you should learn cambodian for ‘bunch of cockholes” because johnny book peddler sounds like he deserves nothing less. what a funny guy! Or set your mini gang onto him.
THE YAWNING GENERATION GAP:
Munted? Nothing in the usual Macquarie or Oxford dicks of course, but Google to the rescue again (another 7kg of Co2 escapes).
Located an amazing site, urbandictionary.com that explains all with entries for MUNTED like this:
Munted:
The point after a massive night of raping your head with narcotics where you’re brain no longer connects with the rest of your body – symptoms are involuntary drooling, twitching, grinding what stubs are left of your teeth, chewing your face off, hallucinating and generally making a c**t of yourself. Usually followed by a stint in the twilight zone – a dirty, frightening place between sleep and awareness. Closely associated with fiended
‘Man that guy is fucked’ ‘Nah man he’s munted’ ’should we call an ambo’
Knowing Sam’s aversion to mind altering substances I guess he was not headed there. So perhaps this entry got it right;
Munted:
To put it simply, fucked. covers everything.
1. “this piece of shit stereo is really munted now.”
2. “yeah, sorry bout that, i was well munted last night”
Maybe a link from mum’s support section, sam, to this fabulous contemporary dictionary would help we wrinked understand, or not…
Well munted? Guess that means sooooo munted ;-)
Hey Hey,
First heard the word “munted” when I was with The Pimps in Denmark. The perfect word escaped the mouth of a large breasted girl I was laying beside on the floor of a commune kitchen in some commune down there. The rest of the band perked up when they heard this word and demanded she put it into as many sentences as possible.
That’s the weekend we wrote the song Big Tit Burger, which tells the story of our grand tour of Denmark and the hippies. One large breasted girl punched Beardo in the mouth after he asked if her name was Big Tit Burger, so the chorus was of course ”
BIG TIT BURGER – MUNT! MUNT!
Glad to share this story with you. It’s a gem.
Keels. Fucking LOL at the pig-sticker gang extension. Pig sticking bird boys of section 8. I think I’m in love with the name.