Rose and Sam's Excellent Adventure

As many of you know, and have been continually disgusted with, I have fought the urge to grow a moustache for several years now.

Mere mention of the word “moustache” in my house is greeted with disgusted interjections and nothing but contempt. This, I feel, is unjust, uncool and bloody-well UNFAIR!

I have never seen my Father’s chin, upper lip or cheeks, and god damnit, that’s the way it should be. All you ponces out there, looking at your father’s PONCEY PINK CHEEKS should be ashamed of yourselves.

Now, part of this cruel twist of fate, is I can’t grow a full beard. No matter how hard I tense my face and try to squeeze keratin out of my pores, it just won’t happen. I can’t even grow sideburns, which has been a life-long dream and a fairly acceptable one in the punk-rock and rock-a-billy scene.

I hereby declare, out of my only real facial hair choice, I’m standing by my desire to grow a moustache and LAUGHING in the face of all whom oppose this declaration. I sign it with the blood of my forefathers, who fought, and died on the battlefields .. actually. I’m fairly sure Keith didn’t have a moustache, but if he did by golly, it woulda been the last thing those damn Huns ever saw. A glint of bayonet, and a GREAT, GLORIOUS, FUCK-OFF MOUSTACHE!

Sure, Rose won’t touch me, and I’m fairly sure she’ll curse my name up and down when she realises the last 20 months of her nagging me to not grow a moustache has been for nothing, but you can’t stop progress baby. You can’t stop progress, and if I can’t get a job because of my mustachio, then I’ll die of starvation on the street like some cursed dog just to prove my point. My point – which eludes me right now, but I was sure I had one earlier.

If this goes as well as I forcast it will, expect to see photos of the various stages of this intrepid idea – possibly the best idea anyone has had in Vietnam since “hey, let’s just dig some dope-ass tunnels man”, and consider my lack of cojones on this matter up until this point, added to the Lest We Forget section of this website. Cos I’ve found em kids!

…stay tuned.

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This entry was posted by Sam on Friday, April 24th, 2009 at 2:49 am and is filed under Hanoi, Vietnam, gag, rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.